If you think that people have gotten more shallow in the age of dating apps and TikTok, think again. The top five qualities that daters are looking for in a potential partner have nothing to do with looks, according to a new Match survey.
The Traits That Daters Value The Most
Wondering what those qualities are? The survey revealed that the top five traits daters are looking for in someone are:
- Someone they can trust
- Someone who is comfortable communicating their wants and needs
- Someone who is emotionally mature
- Someone with a good sense of humor
- Someone who is comfortable with their sexuality
Jessica Alderson, the co-founder of the dating app So Syncd, is not surprised about those stats. According to her, modern daters have higher standards and are looking for true fulfillment and partnership.
“While looks can help catch someone’s eye initially, there is so much more you need for a healthy relationship, and daters nowadays are highly aware of that,” she says. “Ultimately, the findings suggest that people are becoming more intentional when it comes to dating, and this is definitely a positive development.
There’s a difference between high and impossible standards though – and you may be wondering whether wanting all those traits in a prospective partner is asking for too much.
“Of course not,” says Harman Awal, a dating and relationship expert at Cupid and Cuddles. “Asking for all these qualities in your future partner is one of the most basic things one could ask for. You need to feel at peace about that person no matter what the situation, and trust, communication, and emotional maturity just make it a lot easier,” she says. “Also, you need some extra sprinkles of laughter to really enjoy every second of your life. So, that’s not a lot to ask.”
The Importance Of Each Trait In A Relationship
Time to raise the bar. Here’s why each trait mentioned above matters in a relationship – and why you should start prioritizing them, too.
Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity is essential in a relationship because it’s required to handle challenging situations in a constructive and healthy way, according to Alderson. “It can be especially helpful during times of conflict, as it encourages an understanding and respectful communication dynamic. Additionally, having an emotionally mature partner means that they can provide support during difficult times, which plays a role in building trust.”
Sense Of Humor
Yes, relationships and life come with challenges. Having a partner with whom you can laugh makes the journey that much more enjoyable though.
“Having a good sense of humor is often underrated in relationships, but having someone who can make us laugh can be invaluable. Not only does laughing together keep the relationship fun and lighthearted, but it also works to strengthen bonds between partners,” says Awal. So, if you and your date laugh hysterically together, it’s a positive sign.
Comfortable With Their Sexuality
Everyone has different preferences in the bedroom. But, regardless of what those preferences are, having a partner who is comfortable with their own sexuality is a game-changer for intimacy.
According to Alderson, that’s because being secure and confident in your sexuality can help eliminate any judgment or shame that may arise in the bedroom: “Ultimately, when both people are comfortable with their sexuality, it leads to higher levels of sexual satisfaction. This is because they are more likely to openly communicate their sexual needs and enjoy the moment.”
Trustworthiness
A healthy relationship is built on a foundation of trust, so trustworthiness is one of the most essential traits you can look for in a potential partner. “A future partner’s trustworthiness is an important trait to consider in any relationship because a strong foundation of trust between two people can pave the way for true connection and fulfillment,” according to Awal.
“Trust is something that cannot be dictated to or demanded – it must be freely given and earned. When both partners can be transparent with each other and rely on each other to keep their word, they create a safe environment that allows them to establish deeper connections without fear of betrayal.”
Comfortable With Communication
Finding a partner who is able to communicate their thoughts, feelings and needs in a healthy way is also crucial. Look for two things: how comfortable you feel expressing yourself around someone – and how comfortable they are expressing themselves. As Awal puts it, “being able to have a conversation about anything without feeling judged or uncomfortable is really crucial.”
Bottling things up is not a good sign. “If you don’t communicate your needs and wants effectively, it can lead to resentment and frustration in the relationship, and this can have serious consequences in the long term,” says Alderson.
Remember this: You may have insane chemistry with someone, but that doesn’t mean you can – or should – try having a long-term relationship with them. Pay attention to whether they exhibit the traits and behaviors that make a successful relationship possible first.
